Title: Crois en moi
Category: VRA
Spoilers: Folie A Deux
Keywords: Missing scene.
Rating: PG
Summary: What was Scully thinking in that pivotal hospital room
scene?
Feedback: Please! Send it all to pomme_noire@hotmail.com
Archive: Sure, but ask my permission first.
Disclaimer: I don't own this episode or its characters, no matter
how many times I've watched it.
Author's Note: Thanks to belsum, for her insightful comments and
encouragement!

~~~~~~
I am visiting Mulder in the hospital again. At first glance, this
is just one more instance of a familiar, almost routine activity
for me. But this is the first time I've been scared to go see him
-- this is the first time I'm going to the psych ward, where he has
been strapped down for his own safety and the safety of others.
This is the first time that I can't explain his alarming behavior
as being caused by drugs introduced into his water, or even his
single-minded drive to discover the truth about his sister. This
time, the most convincing explanation for his sudden fury and
attempted violence in Skinner's office is true insanity. The very
thought causes me almost physical pain, and I take a deep breath
before entering his room.

I push back the curtain around his bed. He has turned to face me.
He smiles at me, looking so calm and so lucid that if it weren't
for the straps on his wrists, it would be easy to imagine that this
is just another post-case injury for which he is now recuperating.

I slowly take his hand. He holds my fingers gently, and tries to
make a joke. Once again, I am almost physically stricken- this
time by the familiar light and intelligence in his eyes. I am
trying not to envision the worst: that my brilliant, caring,
unorthodox partner will never recover from this delusion to which
he's somehow fallen prey... that he will have to spend the rest of
his life in places like this... that I will have to carry on the
quest alone. I swallow and push the thought away. It was the stress
of the hostage situation, I tell myself firmly. It *will* fade,
just like the bruise on his face.

He asks about my examination of the body of the man that Lambert
described as a zombie. He is clearly doing his best to sound
rational and in control, but I can't accept what he's saying he
saw. It sounds like madness, and he knows it.

"Mulder, the case is over. There's no more evidence to be
gathered," I tell him sadly, still holding his hand. "There's only
my hope that you'll be able to see past this delusion."

"*You* have to be willing to see," he returns, desperation creeping
into his voice for the first time. I can see a flash of betrayal in
his eyes at my continued disbelief before he covers it.

My grip on his hand tightens briefly. I sigh. It hurts me, too,
Mulder. "I wish it were that simple."

His gaze is unwavering. "Scully, you *have* to believe me. Nobody
else on this whole damn planet does or ever will." He pauses,
searching for words. "You're my one in... five billion." He smiles
slightly, but the words are serious.

My heart clenches again. It's just like Mulder, to tell me
something that could be construed as almost romantic... while
strapped to a hospital bed in the psych ward, minutes after drawing
his gun at an unarmed man in Skinner's office. Finally, after a
moment where we just look at each other, I nod once, dropping my
eyes away from his. I'll look at the body one more time. If there
is any chance that my partner is right - even as small as that
chance seems to me, rationally, right now - I know I have to take
it. I only pray that the further examination doesn't provide
further proof that Mulder has finally been pushed beyond the edge
of what he can handle. I have to believe that much.

I release his hand, after giving it a final squeeze. "I'll be back
later," I promise quietly. He nods. I can feel his eyes on me even
after I've pulled the curtain across and closed his door.